someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
