I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
