I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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