I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need moral support for this bender
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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