i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
