The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
