her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
50% drunk capacity currently
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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