My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
