The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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