I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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