I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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