weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
