I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
