I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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