Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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