She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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