She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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