I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we're making bets on your personal life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
