Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.