stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom