Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it was like eating out sand paper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?