she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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