Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
