This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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