Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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