It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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