google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
