hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
