cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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