You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
