Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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