I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
