We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
