yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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