People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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