the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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