Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
