who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
