after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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