I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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