4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
