I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
