He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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