Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize