Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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