I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
