apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
