I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
