my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
