Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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