The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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