I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
