Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
