We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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