Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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