It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
