Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
