wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
