Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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