We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
