They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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