Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize