you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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