i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
