woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
