dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
