apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
