he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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